I want to share a story of an incident the occurred recently between me and a teacher. This story is about a child and his mother who are in our program. I have changed the names of the parent, teacher and child, but it is an example of how microaggression can cause harm to a child and the parent. When we are unaware we can cause low self- esteem and a struggle to cope with life in a time when life is already hard.
A story of microinsult
Johnny often comes to school with a scowl on his face and more often now mom does not look at the teachers and is always in a hurry to sign her child in and get out. Johnny is currently on an IEP for behavioral issues, cognitive delays and fine motor delays. During the classroom hours Johnny often has bursts of anger and needs to be removed before others are hurt. He often screams and yells profanity at no one in particular. The teacher has had several meetings with mom (who I will call Trish), and the special Education teachers. These meetings often consist of what is happening in the classrooms and discussions of possible solutions. One day the teacher came to my desk and said, “I just don’t know what to do anymore, Trish brings in Johnny and she won’t look at me she just hurries in and signs him in then leaves, I don’t get a chance to let her know what is going on.” I asked, “When is the last time you told her something Johnny has been doing that is showing progress or something positive about his personality or behaviors?” The teacher gave me a blank stare and said, “Well if she would stick around maybe I could, she just doesn’t care.” the teacher continued on with comments about mom only thinks about herself, and the last was “Johnny is never going to make it, if I can’t get mom to get on board.” I asked why she thought he would never make it and she responded that it’s just the way he is, and he is never going to change living the way they do. I proceeded to ask the teacher what she knew about Johnny and Trish’s life. The teacher responded that when mom was pregnant with Johnny’s little sister, her husband was in a bad car accident and is now in a nursing home where he will remain due to brain injuries and other things. I asked what else do you know? ……. no response. I proceeded to let her know that Dad was the main care giver of the children; he was a stay at home dad and mom worked outside the home. Since his accident she has taken on both parenting figures, not to mention she has had some mental health issues of her own, and has been struggling with anxiety and stress. The teacher looked shocked at me and said, “No wonder he has so many issues, they are a mess.”
The attitude of this teacher and her image of the family portrayed microinsults to the family and their abilities. While she thought she was being caring and helpful all she managed to do was give the impression to Trish that she was doing a crappy job of raising her son, and he was heading down a road of no return. I explained to the teacher that Trish wanted no part in hearing anymore negative about her son, and the relationship between her and Trish was now broken. Mom needed some affirmation that her son has many good qualities, and she is doing a great job of parenting. Did the teacher believe this to be true…. I do not know, but she needs to reflect on her personal attitudes and biases about parents with children who have challenging behaviors and help parents find support.
Thinking about this exchange has my conscious more aware to listen for more of these types of microaggressions. I have printed out the preventions mentioned in the video by Dr. Sue and plan on sharing them with staff as the need arise. I have found myself very frustrated with this teacher and her lack of understanding, but it is my duty as a mentor to teach and to come along side staff to help them understand some very important skills and hopefully open up some discussions about our biases toward others. I am excited to add this to my “tool belt” of knowledge.
Reference
Laureate Education, Inc. (Producer). (2011). Perspectives on diversity and equity [DVD]. Microaggressions in everyday life. Baltimore, MD: Author.
Thank you for sharing and I think sometimes teachers forget about why they are educators. There is never a time it is ok for any teacher to give up on a child. We must also do whatever we can to ensure our parents feel welcome build a good communication line between teacher and parent. All parents ultimately wants their child to be successful but they may not be able or know how to help them. As educators it is always important for us to reflect if we do not we sometimes lose focus. Great Post!
ReplyDeleteThis story is so familiar of the types of situations that our famiies go through and if we dont ask the needed questions and communicate with the caregivers when we see changes occur with children we are not doing our part to make sure we are supporting the families we serve. Educators must be mindful that the children we teach today is the future of tomorrow and what a future it will be if we dont do all we can to prepare them.
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