"My Connections to Play"

“But mostly we need to honor the innate capacity for learning that moves the limbs and fills the souls of every healthy young child (Almon 2002).”

I lived on a farm where my siblings and I spent 95% of our time.  We had very little material toys to play with, so we invented many of our own games, or we would play games such as hide and seek, football, soccer, and cops and robbers. My parents were very busy raising 15 children, they seldom played, but when they could... I remember my mom and dad joining us for our version of softball with a bat and a big blown up ball, the trees were our bases.  My mom wacked that ball and we all laughed because as she ran she was laughing and cheering for herself!  My dad was on the opposite team cheering instead of chasing the ball! Another memory I cherish about my mom and dad is at night we didn’t have much T.V. so sometimes they would push all the furniture to the walls and put on Waltz music and start dancing.  After a few minutes my dad and mom would choose one of the girls and one of the boys and they would dance with us, teaching us how to waltz. I didn’t find a picture that could display the importance of this memory, nothing can compare to what I remember in our little house on the farm.

“You are worried about seeing him spend his early years in doing nothing. What! Is it nothing to be happy? Nothing to skip, play, and run around all day long? Never in his life will he be so busy again.” ~Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Emile, 1762

This dog represents me!  I loved running around. While I was from a big family I did spend time by myself. I remember watching the Olympics when I was around 11 years old and decided I was going to be a gymnast I cut two poplar trees down and began creating my own uneven bars! My dad watched me for several days, after I started digging the holes for the poles he as me what I was making (he thought it was a swing). When I told him, he didn’t stop me but gave me several pointers to consider, eventually I realized this was not going to work. My dad could have stopped me and told me that, but he didn’t he let me figure it out for myself. 

Play gives children a chance to practice what they are learning....They have to play with
what they know to be true in order to find out more, and then they can use what they
learn in new forms of play. --Fred Rogers of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood

I practiced hitting a volleyball against the garage for hours. Counting how many times I could hit it in a row before missing.  My love for football started because I spent all fall playing in our yard with my brothers and neighbors.  I have used these skills throughout my whole life.




 

My dog growing up was part black Labrador; she was the best listener and friend!

 

I think play is very different today in many ways, my childhood play was self - driven and I had the freedom to explore the environment around me.  Children today have less opportunity for this type of experience, because less people live on farms.  More children spend their time in the care of other adults.  Often children are directed in their play or given a specific amount of time to play before moving into another activity.  Play for many children is adult facilitated and they learn a skill but may not get to use their imagination. However, if the caregiver offers freedom for self - driven play, children will work together to play games, create their own activities and use their imagination to go anywhere and become anything, this is what I spent most of my childhood doing.

 

Relationship Reflections

My most important relationship is the partnership I have with my husband Mark.  We have been together since 1984.  He became my best friend and confidant when I was 18 years old, and he was 22.  We have shared struggles, heartache, family stresses (extended) and worked through personal struggles together.  Early in our marriage ( 5 years into it) we had a time when I believe our love turned from a physical and surface type love to a deeper love that looked beyond our weaknesses to who we are, and says,  “ I‘m glad you love me anyway!” I think this was pivotal because, at one point or another in a relationship we look at the other and have to ask ourselves, can this relationship last forever, and I believe it then becomes a personal decision to work at being successful, no relationship will last if it is not worked on by both people.  I also believe our faith has had a huge impact on our relationship, we trust in our Creator and put Him at the head of our family, praying for each other, our children, grandchildren, and their spouses is important to both of us. Another one of the many strength in our relationship is that Mark and I share common interests such as golfing, snowshoeing, and biking I guess almost anything we can do that lets us spend time together.  We also are respectful of each other’s need for friends, because while we have a great relationship, we cannot offer everything the other person needs, that is what friendships are for, they offer additional camaraderie that fulfills other parts of our personal needs, and gives us a chance to give to others in a different way.  Part of a healthy relationship is to know your own strengths and weakness, and knowing its ok to need help.  I rely on Mark and he relies on me, not in the needy sense but the “I will be there for you as best I can.” That same understanding goes into other friendships as well.

My daughters are another huge part of our (my) life.  I have had the honor of watching both of them turn into wonderful adult women and mothers.  We talk about all kinds of different topics, laugh and tease and learn from each other.  My girls have taught me so many things and given me insight into topics I never would have thought.  I believe our relationship is strong because, I was a mom first, and during their early years I wasn’t their friend, I was always there for them, and they knew I would listen to them and we could talk things out, but the final decisions about things came from the mom in me first, not to please and be “friends” with them.  Those years were tough, but as time passed from teenage years to adulthood, it is nice to hear them say they were glad I stuck to my decisions. I still don’t always agree with the decisions they make, often in regard to their children, but I have learned this is their time to be a parent and if they ask for my advice I give it, but otherwise they get to learn and use their parental style to raise their children and as always, I will be here for them when and if they need me. 

My friendships with my girlfriends is probably the hardest relationship to continue, life gets so busy, I often find no time to hang out with them, especially now working full time and taking classes has really dampened my personal time and I find weeks have gone by and I have not spoken to anyone but my co-workers, husband and children, and that is ok but sometimes I need the adult camaraderie of woman around my own age, who are experiencing the same internal things I am.  It is nice to share personally things that they can give insight to and work through situations other people do not understand.  It is also fun to get together and just have fun, laughing, and sharing commonalities.

In addition to these relationships are my relationships with my family and my in – laws. These relationships are important for me because my siblings have known me my whole life, and while we don’t talk every day, we are still close, we can get together and if feels like we never left.  My parents both passed away 10 and 12 years ago, but we decided to keep the farm as a place to return and be together.  I have a brother who stays there and maintains the place.  I have been told many families do not get along and struggle with their relationships, and from experience I notice that is true, but my family can get together and we all get along and have fun. As a whole group we have had to make some big decisions about the family farm, and what I notice about my siblings is that we are able to see each other’s perspective and often think alike, materialism was never apart of who we were growing up and for the most part we understand it cannot replace relationships, so maybe that is why we are able to come to conclusions and decisions so easily. 

                As my in – laws go, I have a good relationship with them too.  We spend many holidays together and birthdays.  Marks sister is very good at planning family events and makes sure everyone is invited, you can count on her to be sensitive to the needs of others, she is the cornerstone of the family, and often the nephews and nieces go and spend time with her.

I think the challenges to relationships is creating time to spend with the people, and realizing each person has something to contribute, even if that contribution makes you uncomfortable, learning how to except what you do not always want to hear, and using it to mold your character so you can grow and change and learn more about ourselves and others will help with each new relationship or partnership we find ourselves. 

As I reflect on the different partnerships I realize just being in a big family has helped me learn how to except many different personalities and adjust to each ones needs without compromising my own.  Raising my own children and being an integral part of their life has opened my eyes to watching how young people view parenting, and the struggles they feel and see within their daily life, they are trying to balance work, family, and relationships/partnerships as well.  Seeing them stress out over expectations society has put on parents to be perfect and as my one daughter said, “Looking down on me when I make a mistake, like now I’m not a good enough parent.”  Reminded me how important judgment on others can be seen through actions more than my words. We really do not know the minds of others and we should not assume the worst, but seek the truth. I believe this is what will make us successful when building relationships with the families we serve.