My Communication Style

This week we were asked to evaluate ourselves and have two others from different area in our life to evaluate us as communicators, I chose my daughter and a co-worker whom I have worked with for 14 years; we have teamed as teachers and mentors. I have to admit this made me a little nervous and curious at the same time.  Nervous because I am my worst critic and sometime very hard on myself, I often use self –denigration attacking myself and all my shortcomings (O’Hair, Wiemann, 2009), thus feeling very inadequate. Curious because I wanted to know how others view my communication abilities, I was surprised at some of the results.

As I mentioned I am my worst critic and when completing the Communication Anxiety Inventory I rated myself as mild because I am at times uneasy in some situations and confident in others, this often is due to the people within the group that I am with, if I feel intimidated by the group or comfortable with them depends on how I respond and interact.  My daughter and co-worker scored me as low, comfortable and confident in most situations.  This surprised me because I thought they would be able to notice my lack of confidence through my nonverbal cues.  My dad used to tell me I wear my emotions on my sleeve, and so I assumed everyone could see how I was feeling inside.  Granted my daughter only sees me with family and friends, but my co-worker and I have been in several workshops together, and have put on trainings for other professional in the early childhood field and presented to the directors of early childhood programs.  If anyone knew my weaknesses she would.  So to have her say I appear comfortable and confident was quite a compliment, and gave me encouragement that what I feel inside is not always displayed on the outside.

The Verbal Aggressive Scale was another assessment of how I relate as a communicator.  All three of us scored me as moderate what surprised me was how close our scores were, my daughter scored me 61, my co- worker 64 and I scored myself as 63.  I know I am not aggressive and often times I would consider myself as none on the scale because I do hate confrontation and often try to find solutions that would avoid attacking or making others feel bad, but through the past two years as a mentor I have learned skills that have helped me work through situations that may be uncomfortable and to have conversations that are sometimes hard especially when you need to confront someone about their behavior or best practices.

 This leads me to the last assessment, Listening Styles Profile I am definitely a people – oriented person wanting to build relationships through empathy.   This appears to be a great attribute and I believe it is, but it can also get in the way of what needs to be discussed and can often lead me to trust others and later find out they did not follow through.  My husband would agree with the interference of judgment, he says I am too trusting of others and allow people to walk all over me.  This is an area that I am continuously working on, because as a leader in our program, I work with staff to help them move forward in their own professional development, and sometimes that requires work plans that are not always empathetic to their situation. 

                                                      

Finding the balance between, being a listener who is empathetic, yet respectful and considerate of others without losing sight of the objectives within the conversations. This balance scales looks like a woman and it reminds me of me always trying to find the balance….. not sure if that’s the Libra and/or the communication style within me either way it is who I am.

References

O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2009). Real communication. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

Rubin, R.B., Palmgreen, Pl, &Sypher, H.E. (Eds.) (2009). Communication anxiety inventory. Communication research measures: A sourcebook. New York: Routledge. Retrieved from http://mym.cdn.laureate-media.com/2dett4d/Walden/EDUC/6165/04/mm/quiz/quiz_communication/index.html

Rubin, R.B., Palmgreen, Pl, &Sypher, H.E. (Eds.) (2009). Verbal aggressiveness scale. Communication research measures: A sourcebook. New York: Routledge. Retrieved from http://mym.cdn.laureate-media.com/2dett4d/Walden/EDUC/6165/04/mm/quiz/quiz_verbal/index.html

Rubin, R.B., Rubin, A.M., Graham, E.E., Perse, E.M., & Seibold, D.R. (Eds) (2009). Listening styles profile -16. Communication research measures II: A sourcebook. New York: Routledge. Retrieved from http://mym.cdn.laureate-media.com/2dett4d/Walden/EDUC/6165/04/mm/quiz/quiz_listening/index.html

  

Cultural Diversity and Communication

Considering the questions for this week I really thought  I would know my answers and that it would be a “no brainer”. But that was not the case.  When asked Do you find yourself communicating differently with people from different groups and cultures?  I have to say yes, I do communicate differently, I find myself talking with family and friends different, I use slang and my body posture is much different, more relaxed and not as controlled.

When I was with my husband golfing, we met up with a few guys who he works with, and we decided to golf together, I realized I changed my communication style, with my husband, I was more aware of what I said and how I said it.  I have strong convictions about talking negatively about my spouse in public, we can goof off at home and tease, and I even have my frustrations about some of his habits, but the specifics of what those are, I would never complain about to others.  So my speech instantly became guarded and I chose words more carefully. 

 I also believe communication changed because of the gender differences as well.  As a woman among 4 men, I think my body language was more serious, even though I am very comfortable with these men and we have golfed many times, I realized it is still different.

At work my communication style with the teachers  is different  compared to how I talk with parents,  and each parent is also different and therefore I talk differently with each of them.  Some require more in depth questions, others  require a attentive listening and just need someone to talk to. 

As  I continue to learn about communication, I realize I need to be flexible in how I address others, and how I portray myself as available.  I did not realize I could be so guarded in how I present myself.

my strategies are;

1. To focus on the other –oriented view and work towards understanding emotions, perceptions, and try to see it through their eyes.

2.  Be more relaxed and less guarded when talking with others, I want to maintain professionalism but not give the nonverbal cue that I am not available to listen.

3.  When it comes to gender I think I struggle the most, because you want to make sure there is a clear line of propriety, yet not so much that they misunderstand it as rude, snobbish , or mean.  So I will work at making sure I am conversing socially in a way that my nonverbal cues  and verbal cues match the way I feel. 

Silent movie -nonverbal cues

Week 2 –blog

Watching a show with the volume turned off was very interesting.  I realized some facial expressions and body gestures really add to getting their point across.  For instance in the sitcom “The King of Queens” Kari uses her arms when talking, and her facial expressions really let you know what she is thinking.  At one point Kari is at work, the expression she showed on her face was one of being unhappy and clearly frustrated with the guy she was talking to. Her body language was hunched over a bit, her eyes were squinting at him, and then wide with eyebrows raised and lips puckered. With the sound off I labeled her as unhappy.  With the sound on I found out she was passed over for a job, and the guy got it, he was asking her for help. She was more frustrated.

One thing I realized without verbal cues it was impossible for me to know what was actually going on. My version of the plot and the actual one did not match. As for the relationships, I was able to figure those out without verbal cues, the one exception was the older man, I couldn’t figure out where he fit into the family, he just would show up from time to time. 

One of the questions for this assignment was would your assumptions have been more correct if you had been watching a show you know well? I decided to watch a Seinfeld which is one of my favorite sitcoms of all time.  I watched it on silent, and realized I know so much more about them and was able to figure most of what was happening, probably because I have seen every episode.  But the realization that I know their personalities helped me decipher a lot more, and be accurate.

This exercise really shows how important verbal and nonverbal cues work together to help us communicate. We can try to decipher what others are saying by watching their body language, and some of it we will get right, but it is not as clear and effective, we do not hear the inflections and tones of the voice, or the content of the conversation to put it into a context that makes sense.    

My Model for Competent Communication

As I thought about a person who demonstrates competent communication I thought of the director of the program I work for.  I have been in many meetings with her and have watched her run those meetings with integrity and a sense of caring for each person at the table.  She always listens to each person and looks them in the eye, responding with questions or responses that show the people she isr really listening to them.  Even when the person speaking is challenging or being disrespectful, she will address it honestly and without malice. When things get heated she will use a calm voice and remind the group why we are there and what our goal is.  She has a way of making her point without making others offended, they might not like what she has to say, but they seem to understand her position.   I have already learned so many things from her just by watching her work.  She has calmness about her and her body language is one that says “I am listening”.  I would definitely model my communication behaviors after her.  She knows how to run the program, and yet everyone feels comfortable to go to her with ideas, she listens, and responds with honesty.  Her integrity for everyone from the kitchen help to the directors of other programs knows she will listen and give weight to their concerns and suggestions. 

My Hope

My hope is that I will always work toward meeting the needs of every family and child I encounter in my professional and personal life. I hope I will treat them with respect and dignity and provide an environment where they feel completely inclusive and wholly excepted for who they are, and where they come from.  I hope I will have the humility to realize I do not have all the answers, but willing to learn.

My goal for the Early Childhood field is that we will focus on preparing teachers for their work in classrooms where diversity is as much a part of the curriculum as learning academics.  It is the social and emotional cornerstone for making change happen.  Teachers who are currently in the field will be provided trainings and workshops that will teach them how to implement anti – bias curriculum and the importance of providing equity within the classrooms for all children.

This course has been a great opportunity for me to reflect upon topics I might never have, and I want to thank all of my colleagues for the great interactions that have helped me grow.  I wish you all the best as we enter into our last class and then on to our specializations. My wish for you is to grow in your knowledge and passion that will build a better tomorrow for the children of today.

And a thank you to Dr. Morgan for your guidance and support as you worked us through topics that can be hard to understand.

     

                              

                         

Welcoming Families From Around the World

My family is has come from the country of Tajikistan, from the Garm clan located in the Gorno- Badakhshan Autonomous Province.

Finding out what region and clan my family is from was the most important step in understanding who they are.   

Second, I needed to make sure I understood their beliefs, cultural heritage, family system, acceptable foods, language, customs, and their ceremonial occasions.  I also needed to understand their expectations for their son or daughter that would be in our program.  I need to understand the gender roles within the family system.

What I found out that I need to make myself cultural responsive is ;

1.  Men never enter a home where there are only women, and girls are never left alone with boys. Men and women separate during social gatherings, and everyone stands when another guest arrives.  When shaking hands in greeting, it is respectful to place your left hand over your heart and bow slightly.

My responsibility is to make sure on a visit I either bring a male with me, or make sure the wife and husband are home together when meeting them. 

2. Their language is Ismaili Shiite and is a sect of Islam.  I will need to learn the basic survival words and greetings that will help me connect with the family.  I will also have the language written and put in areas around the classroom to make sure the family can read and know what our program is about.  All information will be translated into their language, and if an interpreter will be available for us to communicate. 

3. I found out that the family does not eat pork, therefore our program will eliminate any pork from the menu, and bread will be served at every meal. 

4.  Education is not a priority for most families, they want their sons to get an education, but learning to care for the family comes first.  Girls are seldom sent to school, they  are trained at home to become marketable for marriage. 

As I meet with the parents I will engage in a conversation that will help me understand what the family wants for their children, and give them information about our program and what we offer.  Because in America school is required for all family members, it is important to help them understand how they can educate both their son and daughters here.  Maybe they will want to home school their daughters while following their traditions.

5. They wear amulets to protect themselves from evil, and a protection from the supernatural forces that affect daily life.  It is essential to allow them to wear an amulet in class, and to prepare our class I would ask the family if they would like to speak to the children about their traditions and clothing to help others understand the importance it has for them.  

6. Some of the rituals this family may follow are periods of fasting, Ramadan, and ceremonies.  Knowing a child might be fasting within the classroom hours is critical in not violating the child, allowing them not to eat is very important.  Also, as families engage in ceremonies it is important to know why a child is not in school, and give the parents  support in by letting them know it is ok.

By understanding the culture of my family, it will help me prepare for meeting them, and greeting them with respect and a general understanding.  The use of an interpreter will help us begin building a relationship of understanding and provide for their needs.  Learning about their country and the cultural traditions and expectations will help eliminate misunderstandings that might otherwise have occurred.

 

A man stands in the doorway of a yurt in a desolate area in the western Pamirs.

Read more: Culture of Tajikistan - history, people, clothing, traditions, women, beliefs, food, customs, family http://www.everyculture.com/Sa-Th/Tajikistan.html#ixzz1s2NzjBzY

The Personal Side of Bias, Prejudice, and Oppression

Two families both are going to a family event that has booths where you can play games with your child, or get information about programs and activities within the community.  The families both need a sign language interpreter, at a meeting the facilitator of the event says, ‘Can’t we just get one interpreter, and they can go around the booths together?”

This facilitator was not intentional with his microaggression towards the two families, but none the less what he was suggesting was segregation based off need of two families.  The inequality he expressed was that they would have to go to the booths together, he was taking away their freedom to choose what booth they could both start with, and move to throughout the event. 

My first reaction was more internal, a sense of disbelief that he would think this was an ok solution. I then ran the gamut of frustration, anger, even resentment toward him that he could think this way.

I immediately spoke out about the issue and gave an explanation that each family had a personal right to have their own interpreter and move freely through the event just like everyone else.  I shared my thoughts on segregation and the insult this action would place upon the family.